I took a walk at the beach outside of downtown. On my drive back, I passed by a gentrified area — small shops mixed with houses by the main road, tall trees and crowded driveways. I felt nostalgia.
- Key Take-Away
The town-vibe area brought up some memories and dreams of the past. Nostalgia, fear and a little bit of sadness were the major emotions triggered — Which was unexpected.
- Root Causes
Nostalgia came from: 1) my past experience living in towns during school and internships. Small towns used to be home to me, and those days were not necessarily all sunshine and rainbows. 2) my once-upon-a-time dream of living in a house in a small town with my loved ones, nothing flashy, just being down-to-earth and simply happy.
One contributing factor to the fear was a sense of disconnection — l felt the disconnection between the past memories and wishes to my current life. I now live in a studio alone downtown in a high-rise building. I did not see myself getting here. It just happened and I didn’t see this side of me coming, especially some of the small-town-vibe hopes came from just a year ago.
Another contributing factor to the fear is the uncertainty of whether I would obtain the simple happiness as such. Achieving it requires loved ones, financial stability, good hearts, and peace of mind. I am not sure I would be able to check these boxes soon.
The second fear factor also has a strong tie with sadness. I am just sad that I used to think I will get there soon. But broken relationships, job situations and financial conditions keep me from having it. Now I am here as almost a different person with different pursuits.
- Implications
The nostalgia, fear and sadness identified a new me has been formed, who hasn’t realized that the old me might have gone far. The old me had a beautiful dream and lived it for a short period. A peaceful, simple life with a loved one who also enjoys it — that’s her utopia. She believes in it for a while until reality pushed her forward.
The new me has a strong tie with urban life and self-actualization, which is more relevant to where I came from. She is more aggressive, goal-oriented, yet her romance comes from things she can give to herself.
The old me is a lucky girl. Now I am here in the city. Being able to run by the lake and see the lake from my window is also great.
I think the new me will go far and look back and feel nostalgia again. I will be awaiting another nostalgia moment because that resembles growth.
